Yeah, RIGHT
by Emiri-chan the GREAT
Summary: Things you will absolutely NEVER hear from the Kenshin-gumi. Man I'm an idiot. *NEWNEW*OUTTAKES!! And if anyone has an idea for a scene, review and tell me and I'll write it!
1. Ummmyeah

EMIRI-CHAN WA IKIRUUU!!!!!  
(I'm alive!)

Well, here we gooooooooooo...And PLEEZE give me feedback. I have no idea whether these are good or not...****

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Things You Will Absolutely NEVER Hear From the Kenshin-gumi

Kenshin : This? Oh no, I cut myself shaving.

Yahiko : Kaoru, Tsubame and I have decided to elope.

Tsubame : That's it. Sano, if you don't pay your tab, I am going to beat you senseless and I mean NOW!!!

Sano : Sake? SAKE?! Did you know that you can die from too much alcohol in your bloodstream?!

Hiko : Ohhhhh, there's my little Ken-ni! (pinches cheek) How's Shishou's widdle angel?

Saitoh : Hey, Battousai, should I go to the prom the lavender evening gown or the pink chince?

Yutarou : Swordsmanship? Hell no! I'm taking ballet.

Cho : Oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH IT'S SANO!!! Please, Mister Sanos'ke sir, can I get your autograph? Pretty please, oh PRETTY PRETTY PLEEEEZE?!?

Tae : I've HAD it with this joint!! There is virtually NO MONEY in this stinkin' town! I'm movin' to Vegas!

Yahiko : I think I'll switch to being a janitor...

Saitoh : (singing) "Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they--"

Kaoru : Oh man! COOL!! Hey, guess what guys! I just got invited onto Iron Chef!!!

Aoshi : MISAOOOOOO!!!!! MISAO-CHAN, CAN WE GO TO THE PARK NOW, HUH, CAN WE CAN WE, HUH HUH HUH, CAN WE, HUH?!?

Raijuuta : Eeeeeek!! Oh, somebody, please save me! There's a big nasty man with a sword!... (Hey waitaminnit, _I'm_ a big nasty guy with a sword)...(faints)

Jinei : Maybe I'll ditch this thing for a beret.

Misao : Aoshi, you are a sad, stupid little man and if you would actually SHUT UP for two seconds I MIGHT BE ABLE TO TOLERATE YOU!!!

Shishio : Ya know, Yumi, if we're gonna start a family, don't ya think we should get married? I mean, think about it: a nice little cabin in the Alps...

Soujiro : I AM REELY STARTING TO MISS MY @#$%ING RIDDELIN!!!!!

Anji : Like, omiGod, isn't Madonna just, like, _so_cool__?

Megumi : Oh Sano-sama, is there anything I can do for you, my big strong hunk of a man? (batts eyelashes)

Enishi : What the HELL was I thinking when I took this gig?!?!

Hannya : Oh Beshimi, have you seen my face cream?

Beshimi : Nope. I got some Twizzlers and some hair gel though, ya wanna try that?

Hyottoko : Okay, where's my girdle? And who stole my oil bag with the little hearts on it; that was hand-stitched by my mother, you know!

Shishio : (whining) Yuuu-miiii, the bath water's too ho-ot...

Houji : NO!!! No more Bryl-Creme, I'm begging you!

Tokio : Who the hell is Saitoh and why am I not even IN this series?!?!

Tsunan : Okay, was it one cup of gunpowder and two cups of--? No, that's not right...

Suzume : Are you. Trash talkin'. To THE BIG ONE?!?!?!?!?

Sano and Saitoh : (singing) "I luv youuuu, you love meee, we're a Meiji fa mi-lyyyyy..."

Kenshin : Aw crap, my roots are showing...

Saitoh and Shishio : (together) Oooooh! Hey Battousai! Who's your tailor?!

Sano : Oh no, Megumi dearest, please, let me pay for that; you know I never force the bill on a lady.

Kaoru : MUST..........NOT..........LOSE..........**TEMPER!!!**

Sano : Ya know, I think I'll take this wicked character off my back. I mean, what if people think I'm mean or something? I could totally ruin my image.

Kenshin : Okay, let me get this straight. I take a vow not to kill, and the best way not to kill is to not use a sword. And I'm living at a frickin' DOJO?!?!? Am I the only one seeing a conflict of interests here?!

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Well, I hope this works.   
No! I didn't stay up until two because I suddenly thought of these!  
...I was finishing a drawing too, and I stayed up 'till two-o-four.  
I'm so naughty.

Alright, I'm neck-deep in unfinished ninth AND tenth grade work right now, AND trying to keep up with Cobb Symphonie AND teach nine students at the same time!!!

...So I apologize for not updating. But this was short, and I could get a message out that I still exist. So, if ya want more of these, let me know and I'll see if I can come up with more.

Jaa na! ^_^X 


	2. But but but

And the insanity ensues. Why do all my ideas come to me at two in the morning?! GAAAAAHH!!!! Darn it. I was sick and couldn't fall asleep last night, sooo inspiration struck and I wrote these...'till three.

Jaa, here goes.

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Things the Kenshin-gumi Would Never Say...Probably  
Maybe.

**But but but...**

Shishio : DON'T PEE ON MY FIRE. (Contributed by Emiri-chan's little brother)

Soujiro : But--but I don't know how to use that sword!

Kenshin : But--but then I'll look like a girl!

Sanosuke : But--but I don't want to fight that guy!

Kaoru : Now Kenshin, be a good little manslayer and kick this guy's butt- Thaaat's a good boy.

Shishio : Hey, you taste yummy! WANT MOOOOORE!

Anji : No! I have hair! Really!

Shishio : Yumi! Will you cover your shoulders at once! Honestly, going around like that, it's indecent!

Megumi : You know, Aoshi, I've been looking for a man like you--

Yumi : Man, Shishio honey, you are one ooglie dude. Yeech.

Yahiko : Yes ma'am, would you like a hot apple pie with that?

Shishio : Gardening. Now _there's_ a nice, quiet hobby...

Misao : I just vant to be alone...

Dr. Genzai : Hellooooooo NURSE!

Hiko : I've decided to become a geisha.

Houji : Heyyy, Batousai! Finally, a new big shot to hide behind! Oh boy, now I can be lackey to someone who actually wins!

Kamatari : Hey, Yumi baby, whadda ya say we ditch these losers and--

Saitoh : Cigarettes? Oh no, I do cigars.

Kaoru : What's a bokken?

Okina : And now, I shall sing a song that will later be made famous by one Frank Sinatra...

Enishi : You need a psychiatrist. And I know just where to find one--

Aoshi : Ahhh...sugar.

Kenji : Mom, why did you marry a woman?

Eiji : Oh drat. They killed him before me. Oh well. Hum dee dum dum dum...

Ayame + Suzume : Well, we certainly weren't key characters for very long.

Mariko : Don't rain on my parade.

Tsubame : Waaaaaaahh?! Yahiko! You've been cheating on me, you player!

Sano : Whoa, look at the buns on that guy..  
  
Kenshin : (singing) "I'm a survi-vor, I'm a forgi-ver"--

Omasu : Oh no, I'm French. Can't you tell?

Hiko : I do.

Saitoh : Ya know, for some reason this whole vendetta thigamajig just doesn't seem very fair...

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Jaa, I just saw the reely reely REELY cool episodes where Kenshin fights Shishio and comes home, and now Shishio is very easy to write these for.   
He's cracked.

Soshite, the next chapter for P. A., C. Is coming along! I want it to be a little longer before I post though, so...

Saa, if I think of any more, I'll post! Later.  
^_^X 


	3. Why me?

Oh Lord. This insanity is sooooo not my fault.   
Blame the twentieh reviewer, "Dark-Kagome"san.

Here we go...Wadda we got, wadda we got, wadda we got... I know! _Outtakes _-slash-things they'd never say! Okay, okay...

~~~~~~

Em-chan: (seated on her bed, hunched over the computer with her kimono slung around her shoulders and her katana in her lap)

Eidan-kun: (10yr old brother) What the heck are you doing now?

Em-chan: Hmm?

Eidan-kun: I said what the heck are you doing now you crazy Jap?

Em-chan: (Whips head in his direction) WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, BAKA CHAN?! (fingers katana)

Eidan-kun: Dang it all, that's the other thing that always bugs me; what's with you and knives?! You've got them all over your room!!

Em-chan: No I don't (innocent blink) How can I, I'm still so early in the collection! I only have one katana, a pen/knife, a lipstick knife, a bokutou, a tenuchi, a bow, a cane, three bamboo sticks, and two dowels! I'm so far behind it's not even funny!

Eidan: ARRRRRGH! EM you IDIOT you **SLEEP** with the stupid sword!! How is that _behind?!_ _Stupid_ jap--

Em-chan:" (slap) ROWR! (Hiss) (goes big angry chibi and raises katana over head, IN sheath this time) OMAE O KOROSU!!!

Eidan-kun: (mimicking) _Oh-my-a oh kuh-ro-soo_... You are so lame.

Em-chan: (screeching) OUTOUTOUTOUTOUT!!! **OOUUUUUTTT!! **YOU'RE RUINING MY CONCENTRATION!! DIE DIE DIE!!! (Whack)

~~~~~~

Okay, now for the good stuff-- (-SLAM-) -- yeah.

If you wanna know something reely scary, this was an actually conversation two days ago.

Oaky. Next...

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Chapter 3:**  
Why me?**

  
_Outtakes. God help me. _(gulps sugar)  
  
**A: **  
1. The scene where Kenshin forgets that he's naked and wants to go stop Raijuuta, and goes to Kaoru...(oops) Take one

Kenshin: Shinko Ryuu?!

Director: (nods expectantly)

Kenshin: ......(sigh) (puts hand to temples) Okay, okay, sorry. Do I HAVE to do this?

Sano: (calls from offscreen) Kenshin come on, this is no time for insecurities! It's in your contract!  
  
Kenshin: Sano, considering what I know because of accidentally walking into your dressing room, I don't think I'm the one who should _have_ insecurities

Director: STOPSTOPSTOPSTOP**_STOP _**--

  
2. Take two

Kenshin: Shinko Ryuu?!

Director: Uh huh, _and?_

Kenshin: ......

Director: (glare)

Kenshin: ...... I'm sorry--

Director: AGGGGGHH!! Why?! WHY ME?!

Kenshin: Whassa matter D-chan? You that anxious to see me? You aren't hiding anything from us are you?

Yahiko: Oi, I think he's drunk

Director: Tasuki. Tasuki could do this, I could just tell him Miaka's watching--

Kenshin: HEY!

Director: --plus he's a natural redhead--

Kenshin: **OI!!**

  
3. Take three

Kenshin: Shinko Ryuu?!

Director: (prays) _Pleeze, just one correct take and I'll let him wear whatever he wants for the next scene..._

Kenshin: That's it! (stands up to reveal boxer shorts with tanuki all over them) That's wh--

Director: DRAT! DRAT DRAT IT ALL-- (cries) 

Kenshin: (stops director's hand from moving toward his Pepsi with a poised cyanide pill)

  
4. ...Take thirty-five

Director: (hair's ruffled, clothes are dirty, Pepsi cans have stopped coming to be replaced with Irish Reds) _Ya knooow, my mom said I could allays do an'thin I wanted to in life.. Why the hell din't she stop mee?  
_  
Kenshin: Shinko Ryuu?!

Director: (sarcastically puts hands up to form a picture frame, waiting expectantly for the "nothing doing")

Kenshin: (stands up) That's what--

Director: (drunkenly) Oookay, cut! Next take...

Kenshin: (blinks) But--but I did it this time

Director: Naa ya din't, ya never do...

Kenshin: (slaps own face) No. I don't believe it, I finally decide to humor the idiot and he CUTS THE TAPE!! **AARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHH!!** I can't _believe it!!! _NO! NO! N--

**  
~~~~~~**

B:   
To come...Suggest scenes please!

Okay, this is indeed a test. I want to know who likes my kind of insane, random, possibly dry humor. If I get at least ten answers, I'll write more.

Jaa na minna!  
~_~X 


	4. WHOA

(Note: This conversations are, will be, and were typed by Emiri-chan and her little brother. These will continue throughout the funnies.   
Unfortunately.)

(Please, give Em-chan's widdle brother some feedback on whether he's good or not, [and Em-chan], and make a 10 year old and 16 year old very, VERY happy.)

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Em-chan: Okay, now for-- wha--wait. Wait, what are you doing?! WHAT---

###(_fizzle_)###

Eidan-kun: bwahahahaBWAAHAHAHA**BWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAH!!!** Yes! I have taken control of The Laptop! Now, before the ruronific, something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!! BWAHHHAHHAHAHAHHHAHSHA

Em-chan: You have learned well, young Padawan.

Eidan-kun: Shuddup. Now, let me introduce myself: I am EIDAN: KING OF ALL SHINOBI!!!!! And if you read this fic death will come on a swift, silent wind!  
....After I finish stuffing my face with Easter candy.

Em-chan:_ If he can get out the door..._

Eidan-kun: Heyyyyyy!

Em-chan: (startled) What?! Are you telepathic now? I didn't say that out loud! Look at the italics or whatever!!

Eidan-kun: Uh, Em...I read the screen.

Em-chan: ......Right. Now onto bigger things...

Eidan-kun: Yeah, copyright issues... Please don't confuse me with my master--

Em-chan: Bwahaha

Eidan-kun: --the guy with the red scarf.

Em-chan: HEY!

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Chapter 4  
**Whoa...**

B.  
1. Take one: scene where Kenshin walks in on Kaoru in the bath, ep. 1

Kenshin: Impossible!

Kaoru: (resurfaces)

Kenshin: (rushes in) No! Don't kill yourse-- (*blinkblink*) Whoa.

Kaoru: (is wearing an extremely revealing black evening gown with a low cut V, a slit all the way up her thigh and a red rose in her mouth)  
Hey, Ken-chan. (locks door)

Kenshin: @_@X Hi... Um, are you alright?

Director: Kenshin, we can't keep this scene, those clothes weren't invented yet. 

Kenshin: Oh no you DON'T. You're gonna KEEP this next scene and you're gonna give me the tape! ^^

Director: CUT. Please.

Kenshin+Kaoru: Drat.

  
2. Take two  
  
Kenshin: Impossible!

Kaoru: (resurfaces)

Kenshin: (rushes in) No! Don't kill yourse-- (pauses)

Kaoru: (grins like an idiot with arms wide) What took you so long?  
  
Kenshin: ^^(leaps across the room into Kaoru's wide-spread arms and some serious necking begins)

Director: O.O; Uh, guys? Hello?

Kenshin+Kaoru: (no answer) ...... (pause) Kenshin: We're a little busy, try later-- (resumes necking)

Director: CUT!! I SAID CUT!!! Yo, K an' K, this is getting a little over PG-13 rating here!!

Sano: (waves director down) Naah, wait just a few more seconds, she's almost got his shirt--

Director: (goes over and unplugs camera)

  
3. Take three

Kenshin: Impossible!

Kaoru: (resurfaces)

Kenshin: (rushes in) No! Don't kill yourse-- (stops)

Kaoru: (is wearing a scuba mask and snorkel) _*whoo-ie* *whoo-ie*_ 'Aht?

Kenshin: Don-- *snort* (doubles over laughing) Don't k-kill--

Kaoru: (_stands up_ as more laughter comes from backstage) Cut! *SNAP*  
  
Kenshin: @O@;X (stares) O--oro--o?

Director: (nosebleed)

  
4. Take four

Kenshin: Impossible!

Kaoru: (resurfaces)

Kenshin: (rushes in) No! Don't kill yourse-- AAAAAH! (rushes a little TOO fast and hits the side of the tub, smacking the window sill, rolling upward, and falling out window)

Kaoru: (blinks and looks over the edge) Oh dear.

Kenshin: (from 'outside' tangled in props) Ow...  


5. Take five

Kenshin: Impossible!

'Kaoru': (resurfaces)

Kenshin: (rushes in) No! Don't kill yourse-- O.O;;; **_AAAAAAARRRGGGGHH!!!_**

Kamatari: What?

Director: (massages temples) Why.....WHY couldn't we have just hired a manly _woman?_ WHY?!?!?

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Eidan-kun: YOU THINK IT'S OVER?!?!? _EIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAHH-- _(crash)

Em-chan: (looks up from manga) Hmm?

Eidan-kun: ...Ow. (looks at foot stuck in linolium--linoleom? lineolime? leoliinaniam? [...We really can't spell, can we?] [Nope.] --from violent, misplaced axe-kick)

Em-chan: Eidan-chan, mom is going to kill you when she sees a humongous hole in her floor with you stuck in it.

Eidan-kun: YAA-- (smacksmack)  
(hits Em-chan with a tornado kick that rips his foot from the mausolium. [Linalius? LEEN-- Aw, crap.]) 

(looks up to see Em-chan venting steam from her ears as an angry chibi with two fish-bowl-sized lumps on her head covered by cross bandaids)

Eidan-kun: *Eep*. Woah, look at the time! Got things to do, bad guys to pummel-- (bows) The KING OF ALL SHINOBI must bid you farewell--Plus I got that high score to beat--See ya! (poof)

Em-chan: (shakes fist at cloud of dust) UNTIL** NEXT **UPDATE, YOU LITTLE RUNT!!! 

Eidan-kun: Yeah, by then I'll be a black belt

Em-chan: ***_GRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAR*-- _**


	5. Are you INSANE!

I luv requests. Everyone, MAKE MORE REQUESTS! I need guidelines in which to put my insanity! All requests for scenes will be answered, these were the only ones I am aware of as of now. Sorry if I missed anyone! Make more outtake requests and I'll do my best! 

Heck, even give me a guideline you want me to follow and maybe I'll do it...

Eidan-kun: Em, we all know you suck as a writer, but that is really--

Em-chan: (GGLLAARREE)

Eidan-kun: ...Whatever.

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(Finally)**  
Chapter Six**: Are you INSANE?!  
(Part I: scene where Kenshin confronts Shishio for the first time, right before fighting that pointy-headed guy...name please?)

~~~

Kenshin: Why, Shishio? Why this village?

Shishio: Onsen (hotsprings)

Kenshin: (stares blankly at Yumi draped sensually over him and turns to Sano) That's it. He's gay, there's no other explanation

Sano: (nods vigorously)

Shishio: (angry) Hey! Look who's talking Mr. I-wear-pink-twenty-four seven!

Kenshin: HeyheyheyheyHEY. _This_ is not pink. This....(pauses dramatically) is _magenta!_

Shishio: (muttering) Magenta my butt...

Kenshin: If you insist--(**whack**)

Shishio: AHH!!!

Yumi: I knew I should have tried my luck in Hakone...

Director: Awright that's it. Friggin' CUT, please, peoples.

**~~~**

Take two:

Kenshin: Why, Shish--

Shishio: Why what?

Kenshin: ...You have to let me finish the line.

Shishio: Well then darn it, come right out and ask me what you wanted to ask! I have important things to do!

Kenshin: Like wha-- (pauses) (notices lack of woman) Yumi got that role in Baywatch today, didn't she?

Shishio: No duh.

Director: But Shishio, she is _your_ woman, isn't she? I mean, well, why watch her on TV when you can--

Kenshin: AHEM.

Director: (gulp) Yeah, well um...CUT!

Sano: (thoughtfully) Ya know, he has a point...

Saitoh: True dat.

~~~

**(Part II:** The scene where Kanryuu, the guy who killed Aoshi's comrades, gets his head bashed in by Kenshin)

Kanryuu: Help!

Kenshin:_ Why don't you ask the money you love so much for help?!_   
(Gimme a break. I'm translating from the Japanese here...And technically he calls it "Lord Money", at least in the manga)

YYAAAA(Comes down in sharp arc with his sakabatou...and misses) 

Kenshin: (*blinkblink*) What?

Kanryuu: (sigh) Kenshin, how many times do I have to tell you, it's okay to hit me! IT'S IN THE SCRIPT!!

Kenshin: I-I know. I actually meant to that time.

Kanryuu: Hunh?

Kenshin: I-I was gonna get you back for making me snort Coke out my nose in the green room. I was aiming for you-- and-and then an instinct kicked in to stop myself!

Sano: OI! This isn't the OVA, Ken-chan! WAKE UP!

Kenshin: (stares) Him as Tomoe? Eww...

Director: CUTSY PLEEZ.

**  
Take 2:  
**  
Kanryuu: Help!

Kenshin: _Why don't you ask the money you love so much for help?!  
_YYAAAA (swings for his head--and gets knocked off his feet)

Hyottoko: Leave Lord Kanryuu alone! (Glances around as though looking for reassurance of lines) He is mighty... and powerful... And--

Aoshi: (sweatdrop) Uh, Hyottoko... You work for me?

Hyottoko: Oh yeah, right...

Hannya: Oh LORD can we hurry this up?! My stomach is REELY STARTING TO CRAMP OVER HERE!

Beshimi: Oh, shut up and take it like a man, Noh-boy!

Shikijou: _Need-- knee pads--_

Director: (throws down clipboard) Oh for the love of-- **_CUT!!_**

  
Take 3

Kanryuu: Help!

Kenshin: _Why don't you ask the money you love so much for help?!  
_YYAAAA (swings rubber chicken)

Director: ...Okay. Fine. (tightens noose around neck)

Aoshi: WHOA! Somebody get him, he's trying it again--

~~~  
**  
Part III:** (Scene where Saitoh and Kenshin are fighting at the dojo)  
**Take 1**

Saitoh: Almost time to end this.

Kenshin: Yeah. This series has been too long as it is--

Director: (yells from restraints) CUUUUUT! CUTCUTCUTCUTCUTCUUUTT!!! **_DANG IT PEOPLE, STICK TO THE SCRIPT OR I WILL PERSONALLY FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE AND SLAUGHTER YOU AND ALL YOUR RELATIVES!!! _**GAAAAAAAHHH-- (proceeds to chew on straight-jacket)

Kenshin: Ya know, I think he's about due for a break

Saitoh: Decaf. Definitely

  
**Take 2  
**  
Saitoh: Almost time to end this.

Kenshin: Yeah.

Saitoh: Ya know, I must admit it was fun while it lasted. But like most affairs, it had to come to an end...

Kaoru+cast: **_WWHHAAAAAAATT?!??!?!?_**

Saitoh: (smirk) (LHAO)*

Kenshin: SAITOH, you b*****d!!! My manhood is already in question!! NOW YOU'RE GONNA GO AND PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!?!?

Saitoh: You should have seen the look on your face, it was priceless

Kaoru: KENSHIN YOU PLAYER!! YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING?!?!? (enormous bokken appears from nowhere)

Kenshin+Saitoh together: Uh-oh.

Kenshin: (gulp) Um, honey, can't we talk this over?? 

*(And if anyone thinks Saitoh was serious, you can go-- never mind)

~~~

  
  
...Anyone like it?

I thought not. Oh well, I guess if no one likes me then I'll just stop writing... (Winkwink) However, if I were to maybe receive a few REVIEWS and ideas for scenes, then maybe I could neglect some more work and write... Oh I don't know... More outtakes?

Jaa na! Later peoples! Wish me luck, my violin group has a recording today...

Oh and if you want more of the Saitoh/Kenshin fight, you'll have to give me some lines to work off of, that's a long fight and I never saw the english translations... Danke! (Wait, what...?)  
^_^X 


End file.
